Was it 2003 when we were Narras? I can’t exactly remember maybe because it’s been that long already. Yap, it has been long ago but it feels only like yesterday when I announced in the class that I only trust 10% of the class (hehe). No wonder you later on told me that you were afraid of being friends with me,hehe. But that fear was transformed, altered, converted, and changed (any more synonyms? hehe) into TRUST.
True, I did not really trust the whole class even after the school year. Trust to me is something I just don’t give, it’s something very deep and it’s something I value. But through out the days we were together with the other Narras, I unconsciously trusted you. I was not afraid of revealing to you what’s in my head and what’s in my heart. It was easy talking when it’s you who’s around. I had a feeling that we had a connection though we were not totally close. It’s like a mutual respect and it seemed we both understood that was to be revealed and which should not be. Then trust became ADMIRATION.
Everyone sees you to be that pony tailed childlike walking along. But I saw something else. I saw depth, depth of heart, and depth of thoughts. They may have seen you to be plain but your wide big eyes were narrating so many countless things! Hehe.. I may not have recognized all of them but surely I saw one: agony, pain, and love. And I would not be surprised if you actually have hundreds of articles narrating all of them. Bad thing I was not able to read one. How could I? You were and are very secretive! If only your eyes could talk, we could have a long talk (hehe). Then admiration led to CLOSENESS.
We were not often together especially after Narra, but I had tied an invisible thread with you. You were one of those I miss being with and I wished I could have a bigger time spent with. Maybe because of that certain unexplainable understanding which erased your fear to me and which built my trust to you. And after graduating, you are one of the few people I VALUE.
And no one can deny that you were a big part of my first bittersweet experience in our first sabak in college. I cannot deny that it was truly unforgettable although the guy is forgettable; hehehe… one thing I am thankful of out of what happened as that we were able to strengthen the foundation of what was started in high school. Believe it or not, I think you’re the person who knows most of what I went through because YOU were there not just someone who teased us but someone who both cared for us. And pare, I don’t think I was able to thank you for that. It was a miserable experience but I thank you, sincerely, for being there. Thank you for opening your ears to all my groans, for understanding what I decided to do, for easing the pain I secretly carried, for helping me dry my tears in times that no one noticed how ruined I was, and for simply standing beside the two of us.
And now, that we are both in this war (hehe) in graduating, I am grateful that somehow I had
chance of working, and fooling,hehe, with you. During the time I wanted to write you that letter, I already felt that I should not do so because I will surely hurt you. But what triggered me to write and give it to you was a certain bothering feeling. I don’t know, but I felt like I had to protect you. From whom and from what, I don’t know. I felt like I had to do something. I just know that, like Goldy, you are very fragile and I don’t ever want to see a piece of that fragility to be touched or get hurt by anyone and by anything.
The thing is, I don’t want to see you in any form of pain in the department without me doing something. But since I saw that I was the one who actually hurted you, I stopped and felt stupid. (hehe) I know I am not like the people who are with you right now. I cannot guarantee to actually be there always like they do. But I just don’t think I could forgive myself if anything happens to you in the department and I was not able to do anything. That’s why if you need me or my kwenta am just around man aki, of course you have to shout at me and tell me what is there I could help because I am not aware. To be honest, I don’t want being in the officers and if I could give it to somebody I would because I don’t like being obliged of being present always in meetings where I don’t like mingling with everyone…don’t be surprised, you know me (hehe). Yap, again there are many whom I dislike and don’t trust in the batch. I don’t even want to be with them but I thought of you. I could not put you down and I could not simply do.
Pare, this is getting long not because you asked me to make it long but because I am trying to find the right words and thoughts for me to express what I feel for you being a very good friend of mine. I wish you got what I am trying to say here. Hehe..
Lastly (almost), pare you are a brilliant person inside and out. You’re wonderfully molded by Allah and by your parents and it’s no surprise why people loves to be with you. You are TRUE to yourself and to others. You have a beautiful HEART. With that, we are blesses to have you around=) not just someone to laugh with but someone you can simply be with and witness a woman who is a picture of simplicity with a striking spark of brilliance and who has a heart; pure and fragile.
Happy 20th Potre Hasnia Pangarungan Casan! Embrace what life is offering and what it will offer more=) love you pare!
No comments:
Post a Comment